I Dream of Jobs

Good morning, world! I'm an hour ahead of schedule today so my options are A. blog or B. do math. Blogging won by a longshot. Day 2 of #blogtober14 is all about my dream job.

When I was little, I stereotypically wanted to do a hundred different jobs. I mean, if Barbie could be a pilot, teacher, and model, why not me? I bounced between teacher, waitress (lol), and pastry chef . While in high school, I flipped back an forth between museum curator and Spanish translator, and then to speech pathologist.  

Nowadays, my dream job is to open my own audiology practice after I get my doctorate and work in the field for a while. Someday, I'll be my own boss and work to protect and promote hearing health of my patients. I don't know when it will happen, but I'm extremely excited for the future!

My fantasy dream job posting would go something like this

SEEKING:

-highly motivated individual who is not always highly motivated

-ideal employee must enjoy binge-watching series on Netflix

-must be open to trying new foods and desserts

duties include:

-testing new tea and coffee flavors

-reviewing YA novels

-watching Harry Potter and LOTR

-surfing the internet

-salary is $200,000/year

-hours are flexible

-paid civic and religious holidays

-work from home

-appropriate attire: sweatpants and hoodies

IF ONLY.

Catchup

Remember how I disappeared for a month? Well, I'm baaaack! Lots of things have happened since I last updated the blog world on my real life. Here's what's happening.

WORK // I love, love, love my job. Courtney and I have finished our training and are waiting for our certificates and raises. We're now starting to have our own appointments for patient emergencies. We can troubleshoot hearing aids and send them out for repair, as well as clean and check them. The old people (pretty much everyone) love us. Oh and Courtney is now on my list of favorite people because we spend all week together and she hasn't gotten sick of me yet.

FAMILY // Lauren turned 21 and Christian left his old band and joined a new one. Lauren, my cousin Britney and I saw Christina Perri in concert, which was ahhhmazing! And my siblings and our significant others all went to brunch with  my parents on Easter.

 

ME // I finally got my diploma in the middle of March. I chopped off all my hair and switched my winter wardrobe for spring clothes YES. I also went to 3 Flyers games in a week and drank moonshine for the first time (woof). I also got my wisdom teeth pulled, but you already know that.

Now that I've got you all caught up, I'm gonna go ice my face now. Peace.

Work B**ch

S/O to Britney for the post title. OH IT'S MY 100TH POST.

Hey Blogland! How was your weekend?

I wanted to write this post on Friday, but I didn't quite have the words yet. After Amy took me out to my favorite restaurant on Friday night and I told her all about my first week, it finally started to sink in that I have a grownup job in my field. And now I can tell you all about it.

It. Was. Awesome. 

But really, I can only try to put into words how amazing it was. My bosses are the nicest people I've ever met (dude they took us out to lunch our fourth day on the job) and I felt like I was learning from the very minute I walked into the door. The patients are so sweet and very welcoming.

I found out at the salary/benefits meeting that they were actually hiring two of us which made me super nervous because I'm always terrified to meet new people. As it turns out, my coworker is really cool and we've already discovered that we work pretty well together! We're also similar in a lot of ways so it's awesome to have a new friend. And nothing brings two people together faster than looking inside each other's ears. P.S. - She likes Game of Thrones AND Harry Potter. Obviously, we're soul mates.

I got new work clothes. (someone remind me to do an ootd pic puhlease) I don't have to scan groceries anymore. I get to help the people. This is great.

In case you care what my eardrum looks like.

Here's to another awesome week! See you tomorrow for Sh*t Men Say with Amanda from Voyage of the MeeMee and Danae from Duh! Danae!

Times Are Changing!

No, I'm not changing my blog design or name. I not going to be writing about anything too different from what I've written in the past. The change I'm talking about is one of employment.

In the beginning of December, my mom found an ad on Craigslist for an open audiology assistant position. For those of you who don't know how to work the Google, an audiologist (AuD) is a hearing doctor - AKA what I want to be when I grow up. Seeing as how I wasn't prepared to apply to grad schools this year, my goal was to observe in a few AuD clinics while studying for my GRE so I could get some more exposure to the field and improve my chances of getting into the school I want.

Well this job would not only teach me what I needed to know, it would pay me to learn. It would be the income I needed to start paying off my student loans while I'm waiting to apply to grad schools. It would be the experience everyone expects you to have, but that no one wants to hire you without. It would be exactly what I need to use all the information I've learned in undergrad.

So I sent a reply to the ad and 3 days later they called me to schedule an interview. It was my first interview and I was terrified. This terror only became worse when I found out that the AuDs who run the practice both went to Temple and one taught there last semester. She had her previous students applying and didn't know me from Adam. They said they'd let me know either way within 2 weeks.

I prayed. And prayed. And prayed. I prayed every prayer I'd ever learned and I prayed new prayers that friends found for me. 

The 2 week countdown ended the day I got home from Mexico. And I didn't hear anything. Another week passed. I didn't hear anything. Christmas passed. And I didn't hear anything. I'd given up hope for this job. I figured that it wasn't in God's plan for me to have this job at this time. But then I got a voicemail on Monday. They wanted to hire me! Now it might not be normal to start bawling uncontrollably when you find out good news, but that's exactly what I did. I walked in to tell my mom and sister and they thought someone died. I don't think I've ever been so happy or thankful to God as I was in that moment. 

So today I went in to discuss salary and benefits (eep!) and the doctors put in the order for my lab coats(I feel so official)! In about half a year when I finish my training , I'll be seeing patients on my own!

I honestly can't wait to start learning everything and fully immerse myself in this field. So here's to new beginnings and answered prayers. 

How to be a Good Customer

It's Thanksgiving season and you're lying if you say you won't be hitting the grocery stores any time in the next 2 weeks. Here are some helpful tips on how to be a good customer (from a seasoned cashier's point of view).

Have your money ready. 

The people behind you shouldn't have to wait for you to navigate the depths of your Mary Poppins bag to find 56 cents. 

What do you mean you forgot where you put your money? 

"Oh, I guess you need me to pay huh?" This is not cute. You are not clever. It's obnoxious and your pissing people off.

"Can you check how much is on my food stamps card?" Uh, not in the middle of the order. "Oh, well there might not be enough on there." What.

Learn how to read

Don't bring up a lonely turkey when both the sign and  the ad say $0.37/lb turkey with a $25 minimum purchase. And don't tell me the sign doesn't say that. IT'S WRITTEN IN BLACK AND WHITE...and highlighted.

Don't fight with the cashier over a price. This is not a flea market. If you tell me a gallon of ice cream is $1.68, I can tell you didn't read the product name on the price tag. It makes you look stupid, not me.

"Are you open?" Does my sign say open?  "Yes" Then I guess I'm open.

The register says 12 items or fewer. You have a full cart. This is not okay.

Check yourself before you wreck yourself.

If' you're at the register and you remember something you forgot, wait until your order is paid for and then go get whatever it is. Don't run back for "just one thing" and come back 5 minutes later with half the store in your arms. It's rude, you lied, and all these people had to wait for you to finish being a d-bag.

Let my people goooo.

If you have enough food in your cart to feed a small village and the lady behind you has a gallon of milk, let her go. It's good karma. Who knows when you'll get stuck behind a full cart when all you wanna buy is a box of Brillo pads.

Follow proper cart etiquette

Don't let your kids stand in the cart. You'd think this is common sense, but it's not...oh I promise it's not.

Leave the carts in the store or put them in the cart corral. Don't be a d*ck...like this person.

The walk was a little too far for ya, huh buddy?

Don't take the carts home with you - I wish this was a joke.

Don't ram other customers with your cart - I wish this was a joke too.

There you have it! If everyone and their mother followed these simple rules, we'd all have a happier holiday season.

XO - Monny

Rhymes with Bendy's

Hey Peeps!

I've been kinda bummed this week because my summer officially ends on Sunday night. Classes start on Monday. This is the first year I'm not super excited to get back to school. LAME.

I was organizing my Google Drive files when I came across something that made my week 10x better. I found a note that I wrote about work in 2011, about a week before I quit my last job. It makes me happy that I'm not in a place like this anymore. I may complain about my job now, but at least I feel safe when I go into work every day (usually). And I can tolerate my coworkers (usually).

Keep in mind that I was with this company (and their annoying redheaded mascot) for almost three years. I had seen and heard everything I needed to. Even from my first week there, I thought that it was "beneath me," but I was 17 and desperate for a job that would mold the schedule to my every whim when I went away to school.

So here it is. My angry, fed-up "time to find a new job" letter.

Calling all strippers, ex-cons, and drug addicts: WE'RE HIRING!

I'm sorry, but I don't think it's too much to expect a little more from a company whose slogan claims 

that they're "waaay better than fast food." 

Apparently re-frying chicken that is more than 5 hours old and passing it off as fresh is acceptable now.

Using dirty utensils to serve cheese sauce? Acceptable.

People who steal multiple chicken sandwiches to bring home to their family everyday? Acceptable.

Hiring heroin addicts who are exotic dancers as their night job and letting them handle money? Acceptable.

Dumping buckets of water on the toilets to clean them at night? Acceptable.

Centipedes crawling around the floor and flies landing on condiments? Acceptable.

Shift supervisors with parole officers who drop the f-bomb in front of customers? Also acceptable.

Restaurant managers who get high on their smoke break? Acceptable.

General Managers who see all of this and ignore it? Definitely acceptable.

WHAT IS WRONG WITH THESE PEOPLE?!

It's pretty sad when I can't even trust my coworkers to make a sandwich for me during my break. I won't even eat something unless I know I've personally prepared every single ingredient. I can't even wrap my head around the fact that this is okay to them.

Eat at your own risk.

This totally makes me appreciate my current job and everything it allows me to do. I know this kind of stuff doesn't happen everywhere, but I'm sure it happens in a few places. Always check your food before you eat.

What are your first job horror stories?

XO - Monny

P.S.- Since this post is photo-less, here are some rare gems from the "pictures that should probably never meet the internet" file.

being gangsta  //   in the wardrobe of my dorm room

It's My Birthday! 22 Things

Happy Sunday! I hope you're all having a good weekend! I know I am. I've been celebrating my birthday since Thursday night, but I'll save that for my weekend shenanigans post!

I've learned a lot since I turned twenty-one 365 days ago. Most importantly, I've learned to eat before I drink so that I don't puke everywhere. I'll just leave this post here before I return to the festivities.

22 Things I've Learned in My 22 Years!

1. Not everyone is meant to stay in your life forever.
2. If something is causing unnecessary stress in your life, let it go.
3. If you find someone who puts up with your shit no matter what you do, hold on to them.
4. Eveything tastes better covered in hot sauce, chocolate, or cheese.
5. Sitting on your feet is bad for circulation.
6. Tell people when something is bothering you - bottling it up only causes major problems later.
7. Nervous breakdowns can result in huge life decisions.
8. Sometimes the weird guy from your science class ends up being your soulmate. 

   

   yes, we're doing the prom pose

9. Making your bed makes you feel like your life is together
10. Booths are always be better than tables
11. When your grandfather tells you the same story you've heard a million times, listen to him. You're gonna miss those stories when he's gone.
12. Always pour the hot water over the tea.
13. Push-up bras don't do anything if you don't have boobs to push up.
    
14. Write it down now or you will forget it.
15. Carry your phone charger everywhere.
16. Most people suck, but there are still some who can restore your faith in humanity.
17. Dust from top to bottom, then vacuum.
18. You sleep better with a clean room and fresh sheets.
19. Taking vitamins actually keeps you healthy.
20. Withdrawing from a class does not mean you're a failure.
21. Beer causes fewer hangovers than vodka.
22. If you work in a grocery store, you will get hit on by creepy men.

Retail Robin always understands

Time to go get ready for my fancy shmancy birthday dinner!

XO - Monny

Weekend Work Grind

Hey all, I hope you had a great weekend! I didn't really do anything exciting(unless you count declaring war on the garden bugs that keep finding their way into our house). Since college is hella expensive, I work part-time as a cashier/stocker on Friday and Saturday nights at a local grocery store. I don't always get to have exciting stories to tell on Mondays because cashiering is about as exciting as it sounds.

When you work retail or in a supermarket it's hard to stay enthused so you have to find ways to entertain yourself. After mentally writing a million posts about work in-between scanning items for bitchy customers, I decided to just jump in and put something out here in Blogland for everyone to see. Without further ado, I bring you the very first edition of Shit I See at Work!

 Okay so first up is just one of the many goofy safety signs that are put up in the break room every month. Other titles include Cracked Floor Tile and Marinara Mayhem. I think Doorway Downpour is pretty appropriate for this month anyway.

Next is the lovely safety sign that resides on our cardboard baler. I use this machine a lot, but I still get the heebiejeebies every time I look at this damn warning label. It basically produces the same shiver as nails on a chalkboard. Disclaimer: I don't do well with broken bones, needles, or detached body parts.

Here we have a hard-working dirt trap that lives under the conveyor belt. Now onion peels I understand, but part of a blonde weave and cat litter gives me something to think about.

*if you don't know what a weave is, click here*

I found this  weapon knife hiding in a milk crate under a stack of chairs in the breakroom the other day. What's not pictured is the the tiny Svedka bottle hiding under the green signs. I wonder if the boozer is the same person leaving Coors Light cans in the ladies room once a week.

Last, but not least, is the sweet gift my friend Hannah left on the table for me. I love how she always has my back and protects the Boston Creme donuts for me.


I hope you all enjoyed the first installment of Shit I See @ Work! I'm glad I can share this wild part-time cashier's journey with you.
 
When Sunday rolled around and all the working was done, I finally got to watch the rest of The Perks of Being a Wallflower with Kristo. He might've liked it even more than I did. Go figure. Well maybe he'll be cute and make me a mix tape. *wink wink*


XO - Monny