I Hate Groundhog Day

Groundhog day can go pound sand snow. I’m still trying to figure out why people keep depending on a rodent to tell them the weather pattern for the rest of the season, as opposed to the meteorologists who pay thousands of dollars to earn degrees in the science of weather. I’m ashamed to say that this rodent resides in my state and I pity the fool who listens to a bunch of old crackpots who drag a helpless animal out of the warmth of its home to shine a light and camera on its face until they get the answer they’re so desperately seeking.

Anyway, Punxutawney Phil saw his m-effing shadow the other day and this “proves” that we’re going to have 6 more weeks of winter. Ya don’t say? This godforsaken season lasts until Spring starts on March 20th every year. Way to tell the world exactly what they already knew. Why don’t we ask this magical groundhog something useful like

• what are tomorrow’s winning lottery numbers?
• will the Jamaican bobsled team win any gold medals this year (Cool Runnings, anyone) ?
• where in the world is Carmen Sandiego?
• who let the dogs out?

He can’t tell ya? Didn’t think so.
Let’s ruminate about Groundhog Day together! What kinds of things would you want Phil to tell you?